Date: Fri, 15 Feb 2002 08:47:39 -0500 Reply-To: Maryland Birds & Birding Sender: Maryland Birds & Birding From: Robert Wasmer Subject: Re: More bird names In-Reply-To: <109.d7c3fff.299dd4d1@aol.com> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset="Windows-1252" Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit The ongoing discussion of older common names for many of the birds has been interesting. Along that line, the following rather long "rant" appeared this week on one of the decoy carver email lists I subscribe to. It is apparent that its author is/was upset by the change of the common name of the oldsquaw to long-tailed duck. Some of it is even too politically incorrect for me to feel comfortable sending on so I have omitted some of it. -------- "Let's change all of the names that \"MIGHT\" offend someone then..... So we don't offend artists, art teachers, auto body personnel, and house painters we should call Blue Wing Teal \"Primary Color Wing Teal\" and Green Wing Teal \"Secondary Color Wing Teal\". So as not to offend the fine American grocers, cooks, and bakers lets call Cinnamon Teal \"Spice Teal\". We might offend tailors and seamstresses out there by continuing to use Pintail so we now must call them \"Sewing Device Duck\". As to their nickname Sprig, most assuredly that will offend the florists and gardeners in this country so now the nickname will be \"Cut Flower Duck\". American Widgeon will keep their current official name, until we can figure out who that might offend and then we will change it. However, the nickname of Baldpate will be changed to \"Folliclely Challenged Duck\" so as not to offend those Americans suffering from hair loss. Eurasian Widgeon will from now on be referred to as \"Mixed European & Asian Decent Duck\" so as not to offend any European Asians that might be in the country. Gadwall, commonly referred to as Grey Ducks, will now be referred to as \"Many Years Of Wisdom Ducks\" so as not to offend the country's senior citizen voters. The name Wood Duck has greatly offended the lumber industry and cabinet/furniture maker's trade in this country and they want to change the name to \"Acorn Eating Duck\". However, Green Peace has filed suit in Federal Court and received an injunction to stop this because of the environmental impact to the Oak trees this could have. They want the Wood Duck renamed to \"Squealer\". This on the other hand has our country's pig farmers up in arms as well as a party horn manufacturer who claims it is a copyright infringement to use the name because it is the same name of their most popular horn. So it looks like the process of renaming the Wood Duck not to offend anyone is stuck in committee and for the time being the Wood Duck will just be called \"Duck\" on an interim basis. Snow Geese will now be referred to as \"Frozen H2O Geese\". Blue Geese will be referred to a \"Primary Color Geese\". Canada Geese may still be called by that name while in Canada but once they cross the border into the USA they will be referred to as \"Our Friends From The North Taking Their Annual Southerly Jaunt Geese\". Resident Canada geese in the US will now be referred to as \"Green Card Holding Geese Waiting For US Citizenship\". Surf Scoter have been renamed to \"Wave Scoter\" so as not to offend the Californian and Hawaiian surfers. Their nickname of Skunk Head was to be changed to \"Smelly Head Duck\"( hey, Skunks have feelings too ) until the homeless folks without access to regular showers found out and became offended. Their former other nickname of Clown Duck was also outlawed following a riot at a Washington DC clown college( ie; The US Senate )that left 13 dead. Therefore, it has been ruled that as no appropriate nickname for the Surf Scoter can be decided on it is not allowed to have one. It may only be referred to now as the \"Wave Scoter\". Goldeneye's shall now be called \"Precious Metal Eye Ducks\" so as not to offend folks who can't afford Gold items. It is thought that this name change will make people more comfortable with their Sterling Silver and various plated items. The nickname of Whistler has been ruled offensive to women because they equate it with being harassed by men so the Goldeneye may not be referred to as a Whistler anymore. Redhead's, a name long thought to upset the Irish, will now be referred to as \"Not a Canvasback\". The official name Canvasback apparently has not offended anyone yet surprisingly? However, Senator Ted Kennedy of Massachusetts has formed a Senate Sub-Committee to try and come up with an appropriate PC name for the Canvasback before someone decides it offends them. The committee is taking it's job seriously it appears as they have already outlawed the nickname Can. Seems they felt it would offend victims of drunk drivers. They also felt it would cause recovering alcoholics to fall off the wagon. They came to this conclusion when someone said Can and Ted Kennedy was quoted as saying \"G.., I want a drink\". Both species of Scaup will now just be referred to as Scaup. Seems the Lesser species has for years felt inferior to the Greater species and the feelings of resentment and inferiority have festered and grown. In our current quest to please everyone this name change was approved although reluctantly by the Greater Scaup who feel they are being picked on now. Word is their union representatives are now in conference with the former OJ Simpson legal team to fight this change they feel was forced on them. The nickname of Bluebill has been disallowed as other species of ducks have blue bills and those species want in on the nickname as well. The Buffleheads filed suit as well but this time to keep their current name. They felt all this altering of long established waterfowl names is ridiculous. Not only that, but they said the cost of changing all the names on their envelopes and checks to the new names would be cost prohibitive. They have requested that the nickname of Little Butterball be disallowed though as the drake's are sick to death of the hen Buffleheads constantly asking if they look fat? The countries fish species have gathered together and asked that we no longer refer to the 3 Merganser species as Fish Ducks. Seems no one wants anything to do with a Merganser. The Hooded Merganser will now be referred to as the \"Crested Merganser\" as the term HOODED has a Ku Klux Klan connotation. The Common Merganser's have filed suit asking that the Common be removed but no one likes them and could care less. Chances are the name sticks. ***NEWS FLASH - USFWS ANNOUNCES TODAY THAT THE NORTH AMERICAN DUCK AND GOOSE UNION HAS FILED SUIT, WITH THE PINTAILS ABSTAINING, TO CHANGE THE LONG TAILED DUCK'S NAME BACK TO OLDSQUAW. AS THE VARIOUS FACTIONS THAT COMPRISE THE UNION ALL HAVE SHORT TAILS THEY ARE OFFENDED BY THE SPECIAL TREATMENT THE LONG TAILED DUCK NOW RECEIVES. USFWS TO RENAME ALL DUCK SPECIES - \"AGAIN!!\"*** Now, if you think I have way too much time on my hands and that this is a ridiculous waste of time you are 100% right! ....... This name change is ridiculous. I don't understand the rational behind it( nor do I want to ), and I REFUSE to refer to the Oldsquaw by the new name. Until someone can show me proof that whomever named them did so to degrade and insult Indians( excuse me, \"Native Americans\" ), then I shall continue to call them Oldsquaw and make fun of people that call them by the new name. I am offended that they changed it so why doesn't that count?" ---------------- Thank goodness for the more stable use of scientific binomial names, although the "lumpers" and "splitters" still upset some of us. Bob Wasmer Biology Department Columbia Union College Takoma Park, MD rwasmer@cuc.edu ======================================================================= To leave the MDOsprey list, send e-mail to listserv@home.ease.lsoft.com with the following message in line 1: signoff mdosprey ======================================================================= =========================================================================