On my lunchtime walk around the Mall, I saw the following:

Tidal Basin:
Several Bonaparte's Gulls, 
Several Northern Rough-winged Swallows
    (both were feeding on something, perhaps insects, right above the
water)
Double-crested Cormorants (One wrestling with a gizzard shad that it
barely could stuff down)
A male Bufflehead
Brown Thrashers singing around the FDR Memorial

Potomac outside of the Basin
A group of about 8 Horned Grebes, in various states of molt

Constitution Gardens (pond)
This was where the real action was:
A male Gadwall (new for my Mall list)
A pair of American Wigeons
A male Redhead
A pair of Pied-billed Grebes
A Caspian Tern, perhaps trying to catch a koi
Many coots, mallards, Canada Geese
Several Pine Warblers in the trees near the pond
(also juncos, White-throated Sparrows, etc).

About the Onion article, I thought this was a satire outlet.  Now they
seem to be reporting hard news?

Jim

Jim Felley
Smithsonian Institution