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Subject:

Middle Atlantic bird name change suggestions

From:

Henry Armistead

Reply-To:

Henry Armistead

Date:

Wed, 15 Jun 2005 11:13:39 -0400

BIRD NAME CHANGES, some suggestions.  Some modest proposals, with apologies
to Jonathan Swift.

the Long-billed Marsh Wren's
name was longer than the bird.
now he's just "Marsh Wren".

too prosaic for the
nomenclature committee,
he rattles just the same,

rattles in the Reeds
in the urgency of June.
progenitor, he. - from "Chesapeake Haiku"

Marsh Wren is a definite improvement, although when jotting down notes in
the field, feverishly or otherwise, LBMW is powerfully mnemonic.  Here are
a few suggestions for changing other bird names, some intended to be
humorous, others based on the species' vocalization, still others suggested
with sincerity - shouldn't be too hard to tell the difference.  Some of the
names are personal ones, which, like family nicknames, may be best left
unsaid, or at least unwritten.  But ... here they are anyway.  

It's not that I think I can do a better job than Linnaeus, Gmelin,
Rothschild, or Pontoppidan, but some changes seem to be in order.

Arctic & Pacific loons.  Take a gander at their range maps.  Perhaps they
need to switch names.  Actually, any of the 5 loon species could lay
legitimate claim to being Arctic.

Double-crested Cormorant.  Change to Shagskank or Skagshank.  When was the
last time you saw the double crests?

Brown Pelican.  The Race Giganticus.

Great Blue Heron.  To Great Gray Heron.  As with many names of animals the
GBH is named for what it suggests.  It is not really blue.  Great Gray
Heron would cause confusion with the Old World's Grey Heron (sometimes it's
fun to confuse) but the different spellings of Gray and Grey let one know
which side of the pond one is on and our bird is bigger than their bird, so
to speak - the Great tells one that.

Green Heron.  Once again ... it isn't really very green.  Change to Little
Guk Guk after one of its calls.  A favorite species.

Yellow-crowned Night Heron.  Seen any yellow on it lately?  If a
White-crowned Sparrow was a heron it would be a Yellow-crowned Night Heron.
 Ergo, change to White-crowned Night Heron.

Mute Swan.  Wish it was.  Some of its calls are like "half-realized,
compressed flatulence."  A Hermit Thrush it isn't.  Change to Not-so-mute
Swan.

Canada Goose.  Geekgahwronk.

Ring-necked Duck.  Ever seen the neck ring?  Ever not seen the bill ring? 
Change to Ring-billed Duck or Ring-billed Pochard.

Black Scoter.  Change to Prothonotary Scoter or Sea Prothonotary.  The
male's bill is lit up like a Christmas tree, perhaps from swallowing
fermented shellfish.

Surf Scoter.  Change to Skunkhead Scoter.

Long-tailed Duck.  Call them Ongolick after their calls.    

Bufflehead.  That's a good name but sometimes I call them Lesser Goldeneye.

Red-breasted Merganser.  I call them Shagcrests.  

Sharp-shinned Hawk.  The shin an obscure feature seldom seen well and if
so, so what?  Why not just call it Sharpie?  Everyone does anyway.

Broad-winged Hawk.  Most hawks have broad wings.  Call it Summer Hawk or
Summer Buteo.

Rough-legged Hawk.  If you're a vole or other prey item any hawk is
rough-legged.  Call it Arctic Buteo.

Semipalmated Plover.  Ever seen the semi-palms?  Call it Mudland Plover. 
They do like muddy areas in contrast to several other plover species that
prefer sand.

Upland Sandpiper.  It is a curlew and the old name, Bartramian Sandpiper
had a nice ring.  Therefore call it Bartramian Curlew.  The Bartrams need
more eponymic recognition.  Wilson and Cassin have gotten hoggish with
their abundant eponyms.  Sparrows, for some reason, have attracted a great
deal of eponymity with members named after Bachman, Baird, Botteri, Brewer,
Cassin, Harris, Henslow, Le Conte, Lincoln, and Nelson.  I'm not going to
go after any of those today.  In fact I miss the days of Holboell's Grebe
and Brunnich's Murre, back when Black Rails, Short-billed Marsh Wrens
(sic), Henslow's Sparrows, and Bobwhite were taken for granted.

Semipalmated Sandpiper.  Semi so what?  Can't think of a name.  Generalized
Peep?  Summer Peep in recognition of its abhorrence and abject horror of
almost all of North America when the frost is on the pumpkin?

Western Sandpiper.  Look at the range maps.  Call it Northwest Sandpiper.

Least Sandpiper.  Micro Peep.

Marbled Godwit.  Most Sandpiper.

Short-billed Dowitcher.  Call it Common Dowitcher?  Say you identified a
dowitcher by its bill length and you risk excoriation in almost any bird
club worth its salt.

Long-billed Dowitcher.  Consult the range maps for this one, too. 
Northwest Dowitcher.

Caspian Tern.  Call them Most Terns.

Eastern Screech-Owl.  Doesn't screech ... very often.  Whistling Owl.  I
also like the African-American name:  Squinch Owl.

Barn Owl.  A good name.  Not suggesting a change but THIS is the owl that
screeches, or screams.

Short-eared Owl.  Call them Marsh Owls.  They're not ears.  They're tufts. 
A horned owl isn't horny either.

Long-eared Owl.  Call it something else, something better.  This one
doesn't sport ears either, except where they belong and truly are, subdued,
understated orifices in the auricular area, where they should be.  Hear
here.  Ear there.

Red-bellied Woodpecker.  How often have you seen that Ross's Gull-like,
subtle red wash on the belly?  Red-capped Woodpecker.

Acadian Flycatcher.  Nice name but Southeast Flycatcher might be more
descriptive.

Northern Rough-winged Swallow.  By the time you say it the morning flight
is over.  Call it Solitary Swallow.  The rough wing area helps it hang onto
banks, but who ever sees it unless you shoot one?

Bank Swallow.  If we are going to be multinational then call it what the
Brits have for decades, Sand Martin, especially since we are now in line in
that respect, finally, with Long-tailed Duck (I suppose the Northerrn
Pintail is the Manx cat of waterfowl?).

Cliff Swallow.  Often does nest in cliffs out West but I like Gourd
Swallow.

Carolina Wren.  Teakettle Bird.

Eastern Bluebird.  Belly Bird.

Tennessee Warbler, Nashville Warbler, Palm Warbler, and Magnolia Warbler
are all inappropriate names for northern nesting species, but we're stuck
with them.  Connecticut isn't so hot (or apt) either.  Cape May is also
dubious but who is going to go up against anything at Cape May, if you know
what's good for you?  Go along to get along.  

Ovenbird,  If we are going to be international and multilateral (a
questionable choice in these political times) then one has to take into
consideration all the species of birds in the neotropics (spinetails,
thistletails, treerunners, et al.) that are considered part of the ovenbird
group.  Therefore American Ovenbird it is.  North American Ovenbird?

Prairie Warbler.  All over the place at Lostwood and the Pawnee Grasslands?
 I don't think so.  Scrubland Warbler.

American Tree Sparrow.  Out of deference to the unrelated Old World's Tree
Sparrow, one supposes.  Why not Arctic Sparrow?  

Saltmarsh Sharp-tailed Sparrow.  Just Saltmarsh Sparrow, please.  I don't
want to spend the rest of my life keyboarding this unwieldy name.

Nelson's Sharp-tailed Sparrow.  Almost as unnecessarily long as the former.
 Simplify it to Nelson's Sparrow.

Dark-eyed Junco.  Twitterkins The Junco.  

House Sparrow.  Bill Chip So.

Brown-headed Cowbird.  The Sputtering Pyrofax Bird.

American Goldfinch.  Budgie chipperer.

Best to all, although it might be hard to believe that after reading and
suffering through all of the above.-Harry Armistead, 523 E. Durham St.,
Philadelphia, PA 19119-1225.  215-248-4120.  Please, as I never get tired
of saying, any off-list replies to:     The
74077&ff. e-mail address is just a little more advanced than cuneiform and
I can't open most messages that go there.