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Subject:

Re: A birder's fantasy

From:

"Frederick W. Fallon"

Reply-To:

Maryland Birds & Birding

Date:

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 21:57:25 -0500

Janet Millenson wrote:

> Okay, I've got a question: Why is it easy to find a helpful guide when
> travelling thousands of miles to see exotic birds, but 100 miles from home
> you're on your own? Here's my fantasy, and if anyone makes a genuine
> business out of this I expect a royalty...
> 
> Rarity Search Valet - "Your List is Our Living"
> 
> Are you tired of the hassles and discomfort of chasing rare birds?
> 
> * Shortage of safe and legal parking
> * Inadequate shelter from sun, wind, rain and extreme temperatures
> * Lack of food or bathrooms
> * Repeated questioning by curious locals
> * Difficulty sneaking away from work or school (especially if you're the
> teacher)
> * Forgetting to bring a scope
> 
> With Rarity Search Valet, these problems are a thing of the past! We keep
> your interests on file, monitor regional hotlines, and notify you if rare
> birds of interest are found in the area. Then our van will pick you up, or
> you can drive to an authorized parking place and be shuttled to the best
> viewing sites. Our drivers stay in constant communication by radio and cell
> phone, ready to transport you to a likelier spot or bring you a sandwich and
> a thermos of coffee. The support truck is stocked to ensure your comfort:
> protective clothing (including overboots), umbrellas, folding chairs
> suitable for use on wet or uneven ground, and Porta-Johns. Select which one
> of our high-quality scopes you prefer to use, and we will attach it to a
> sturdy tripod, carry it and set it up.
> 
> A public liaison specialist will accompany you and courteously answer
> inquiries from property owners, reporters, and sheriffs. This frees you up
> to concentrate on locating and enjoying the rare bird. Within 24 hours of a
> rarity being discovered, Rarity Search Valet will print up a description of
> the bird (including photos or artwork) to hand out as well.
> 
> Subscribers at the "Gold Level" get an extra benefit: Our staff physicians
> will provide you with a plausible written medical excuse for missing that
> meeting or class. We can also arrange to mollify your non-birding spouse
> left home alone; ask our representative for details.
> 
> So grab your binoculars and leave the logistics to us -- Rarity Search Valet
> guarantees everything but the birds!
> 
> <end fantasy>
> 
> ---------------------------------------------------------------
> Janet Millenson
> Potomac, MD (Montgomery County)
> 
> ----------------------------------------------------------------
> "Look at the birds!" -- Pascal the parrot
> 
Even I laughed - worth submission to BWD!

- Fred Fallon

-- 
Bowie MD